Fear

We’re scared. Each of us. My father, my mother, my sister and me. And we each manifest it in different ways. Me? I fly into virtual rants. My mother gets edgy and reactive. My father’s reaction is to avoid facing the truth (see previous link) and become argumentative.

We have good reason to be scared. The statistics are unassailable: (NCI data)

Months*	%Alive
8	50
12	35
24	5
60	2

*From diagnosis

Biases for longevity are youth, health, and the type of lung cancer. My dad is 81, was overweight and has a more aggressive type.

Actually, until a few days ago, I didn’t know for sure that either of my parents are scared. I surmised—correctly—from notable behavioral changes. But my mom told me she was scared during dinner last Friday. She also told me that my dad has told her that he was scared the night before. She added that she had never before heard him ever claiming to be scared. Then I saw it for myself the next morning. For the first time in my life, when I went to greet him, my father’s expression was clearly fearful. He looked helpless. I shall never forget the experience.